I have a friend that encompasses the following traits in no particular order:
She is intelligent (went to one of those big name schools)
She is a little off (old people would say she has a “touch of the odd.”)
She utters non-sequitors (That report is due. Fuck hot chocolate. I hate school.)
The strangest things seem to happen to her (a la marching band, father-in-law sex jokes uttered by said father-in-law, etc.)
She is from Argentina, but grew up here, has blonde hair and no accent
She is jb112.
I’ve repeatedly asked her to supply me with a “guest” post because she is just one of those people that can tell a story and you find yourself either snorting, allowing gas to escape your relaxed sphinxster, or random anal leakage.
She believes that her true life, coyly worded stories won’t translate well onto paper (Internet Paper). She prefers to utter simply worded replies to other people’s posts. She is one of those: a commenter of O.P.P. She used to have a blog of her own (along with other contributors), but it was mostly politically based.
I believe in jb112, the coyest of coy.
So here I’ve taken the liberty of finding some of her previous comments out of context to prove my point*:
1. I used to have the Family Ties boardgame. What? You say you didn't even know one existed? Well, it did. And I played it. A lot.
2. Victoria's Secret sucks. And they're overpriced. My chestal demands are not as great as yours, so maybe I can settle more easily for the Target line, but seriously--for an underwear store they are VERY BAD at making underwear.
3. The only reason I know what the A spot is is because MKD told me, in a manner fitting to her spunk and candor, loudly and in the middle of a restaurant. She even gave a little demonstration--so educational! It’s great to have a friend lookin' out for you like that--or at least acting as a public advocate for your vagina. Those kinds of friends are few and far between. (sigh.)
4. I can think of some *hilarious* commercials--but I can't remember the product for a single one of them. I'm guessing they were going for the opposite effect. However, I DO remember who is behind my MOST HATED commercial of all time: Six Flags. That ugly creepy old guy dancing wildly and catching flies in his mouth can die. Please. If there is the SLIGHTEST chance that his character will be a part of my day at the park, I'm not going.
5. I checked out the web site you linked to with the affordable art and noticed that they are selling a really huge, washed out photo of the temple that is Prince George's General Hospital located in Cheverly, Maryland--which makes the one I have hanging in my living room seem totally unoriginal. What's the point if EVERYONE is just going to hang up hospital pictures?? damn.
6. Maybe her interests are so limited because she lives in that martini glass. Yet, her words sparkled so much they blinded me and I don't think I'll visit her blog again. Since you can't manage to stay away, I'll not visit for the both of us.
7. I vote for #10: Todd Engstrom. But, I'll also back "Steve Hodges". You could affectionately nickname him "Hodges International Airport". I think that only with a name like that will he ever feel that you'll be proud of him no matter what he does.
8. Yes, "Todd Engstrom" WOULD be the perfect name. But don't snatch that up until you seriously consider "Richard Stapczynski" or "Steve Hodges". You guys have So many to choose from! Here is a short list of more suggestions: 1. James Taylor 2. Kevin Federline 3. Dashabout4. Payback5. Hot dog
9. I like Safeway brand "Pockets of pepperoni that are hot" even more than the delicious "Hot Pocket". Whuddiagonneat? Pockets of pepperoni that are hot!
10. Maroon 5? Ben Folds Five? Not sucky. It must be the "5" that saves them.
11. Yeah, that other blog is for Jane Goodall lovers. Definitely. It's almost as though she's trying to play that "how many babies can you fit in a tire" game. Everyone can see right through it.
12. That closing statement sounds so...familiar. The desperate rhyme, the fuzzy meaning, the complete lack of tenderness...Could it be my new favorite local heartthrob??
13. Jordan Johnson asks too much. Your reply made choco come out of my nose.
14. Wow. There is so much spirit there! The historical accuracy is amazing, you must have LIVED at that time to know EXACTLY what they wore. Good Job!
15. Again, i'll keep considering...besides hand cramps from typing, who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Lift your voices and encourage this simple, shy girl to shine- to shine like the light of freedom and to share her voice of hope because if she doesn't give me a post she should at least have a blog of her very own and then have 3 or 4 great stories and then never update it.
*From my blog and others.
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