Are You Staring At Me Or My Twin?

It time for super fun ads found in the print edition of The Express! I think everyone remembers the fun we had last time way back when (click the label "ads").

Apparently there is an eye doctor office offering Lasik and, for slightly more cash, what can only be described as Giant Bette Davis Eyes Syndrome. Yes, you too can look like a Sugar Glider and have perfect vision. Call today!



Have a pet monkey? Does he have pesky crooked teeth? Could his or her smile be brighter? Go to the dentist that everyone is talking about. I’m not sure where they are talking about her. I can guess why though. I mean why would you put a fucking monkey in the picture for an ad about being a dentist? That is still a human doctor right?





Now for all those fantasies to come true. Twins. They are double the fun and half the weight (I’m not sure they are that smart though because that doesn’t make any sense). You get two instructors for half the rate. I would imagine that means you are paying for one instructor, which is really all one needs. I’m pretty sure this is all some bullshit. First we can have double fun. Then it is half the weight. What weight? Whose weight? Bastards.


I’ll give you five bucks to call them and ask how you can get thin with the twins. I mean I won’t really give you five bucks, but it would be funny. I mean look how they’re posed. They want you to call. I can tell.