Want To See My Bits?

Sometimes I think that the sandwich part of the sandwich is just an excuse to eat the mayonnaise.

Why are the new, white hairs on my head short and thick, much like the consistency of pubic hair?

Why don’t I have any white pubic hairs?

I never wear corduroys because I like to sneak attack people and I don’t enjoy fire crotch.

Researchers may have just found a virus that makes people fat. Now, after quitting smoking, my mom can say that I have "the fat" and "the gay," bringing me to a new all time low.

The sound of opening a new menstrual pad is so awkward in the office bathroom. Now everyone knows.

Finally I met a work friend that gets my herpes and AIDS jokes and doesn't run to HR. Now that she has left me to wonder about weird rashes on my own, I hope she thinks of me more than a "work friend."

Why is the way that I do dishes so much worse than the way she does them? I'm pretty sure we use the same soap.

I peed with such force yesterday at work, that I farted and couldn't stop it. Then I audibly laughed. The Chief of Staff was in the bathroom washing her hands. It pretty much rocked.

The next bullet I get will not be faux metal. I hate the “clack clack clack” noise it makes against my piercing.

Atlanta is trying to outlaw baggy pants and women wearing sports bras. This is retarded. The average rating for Atlanta public schools is 3.8 out of 10. But yes, baggy pants and sports bras are worrisome too.

I think I have "post matrimony syndrome." And a rash. Right below my left boob.

Why to guys smell so much worse on a hot summer day? On Metro? I think it might be the lack of deodorant, pumping iron, and smegma.