Yay! Vagina Coffee!

I think we should all live here! Why? Because you have all of the amenities such as a gym, Giant Food, washer/dryer, and yes vagina coffee - free each morning!

Yay!

Come one, come all. Fresh squeezed, torrent of warm coffee straight from this lady’s twat:

*Ad from Washington Post Express June 20, 2008

Churp. Churp. Daggers of Death!

I was walking towards the Silver Spring Metro next to the taxi stand when I was attacked by a renegade blue jay. The sun was behind me and I could see it flapping wildly next to me as a shadow on the ground. I would see the shadow dip and then I would feel its tiny rat claws rake into me and feel its beak bit my shirt.

I tried to quicken my pace and keep my arms close to my person, but to no avail. (I don’t know why I thought it against social mores to run really, really fast.) Again and again it dived into me. The back of my left arm got all scratched up. I ran towards a man standing next to a wall (I don’t know why).

He said, “You have a bird on you.”

I screamed, “I know!”

He swatted it away and said, “It got me too earlier.”

Relieved, I said, “Thank god. I thought I was in a movie!”

We both laughed and the bird shadow was gone.

So now I’ve been struck by lightening AND viciously attacked by a mad bird.

Awesome.

E=MCsquared

Recently AsianPixie and I were speaking about space, time, and velocity. I know. I know. Crazy, fun times. The speed of light and all of those crazy theories are quite confusing.

But it led us to an argument. Obviously.

Recently, scientists found several new “Earth-like” planets. For one of these planets, the length of a rotation around its sun of a mere 20 days. Ours in comparison is 365 days. Due to the “extremely rapid speeds” at which they rotate, does this affect the rate at which we would age on this planet, all other things considered equal? Would we age faster, slower, or at the same rate. Why?

Additional information regarding the planets is found at the above link.

Pontificate and let me know. This is driving me mad! Also, I think I’m right.

NOOOOO!!!!!!

NBC's Tim Russert dead at 58!

I'm very sad. Very, very sad.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

Whoa, Some Shit Happened

It has been like eight years in Internet time since my last update. I’m not really sorry for that. I had some poop going on.

I’ve decided to do a pussy update to satisfy my selfish need to make it look like I actually gave a shit about updating my blog.

1. I am still fucking bipolar. It still sucks asshole. Metallic asshole.
2. I turned 30. I’m ok with this. Wait, I’m 30? Fuck.
3. My dad had another medical scare. He sucks for making me scared.
4. I want a baby more than anything ever. Ever.
5. I drank one pissy Miller Lite, my first beer in 10 months. It sucked and gave me a hangover the next day.
6. I stepped all over some woman’s wheelie bag. Fuck her wheelie bag. I’m bipolar and therefore ridiculously manic. I have no self censor.
7. I’m wicked horny all of the time. My conversations with AP end with me repetitively saying “touch it. touch it. touch it.”
8. I lost 12 pounds in 1 point 5 weeks.
9. My friend from work got into an accident and has a gross patch of skin missing on her leg, to which she said, “I can’t wear jeans because it sticks to it.” I threw up.

The end.